Celebrity: Why the Conversation About Robin Williams Matters

As I sat down yesterday from a stressful day at work, I turned on the television.  I really wasn’t even aware of what was on at the time; it was more for the noise than anything else.  Then I heard the news that was starting to make its way around the world:  Robin Williams had died.  My heart sank because he has long been one of my favorite actors.  Then the rest of the story played out.  His death was believed to be a suicide.  I felt like I had just been sucker-punched in the stomach.   

Now before you climb up on your high horse and berate me because I’m emotional over someone I didn’t know personally - especially a celebrity - let me ask you to pause and read the rest of my story.  Yes, the world is talking about Robin Williams.  Yes, the world is mourning the loss of a superstar.  Yes, you are correct that few are speaking of the many other suicides that are committed in our nation, or for that matter, in the world, on a daily basis.  That doesn't make anyone a horrible person.  It doesn't make any of the other suicides less traumatic or “unimportant”.  But there is a difference.

What is that difference?  The difference is the celebrity that you complain about.   Don’t get angry at the people who are upset over the loss of an amazing and famous soul.  Robin Williams was brought into our homes.  We were raised on his movies.  We connected with his characters.  We felt as if we knew him.  We aren't afforded that same opportunity with the veterans, with the teens, with the many people we lose every day to this horrible disease.   Most people connect themselves to what they know. They connect to things that are familiar.  Robin Williams was familiar. You don’t hear about the soldiers in the media.  You don’t hear about the teens we lose.  You don’t hear about your neighbor  down the street.   Get mad that THIS kind of information isn't a part of our national dialogue.  Get mad at the fact that we don't demand it. Get mad about a lot of things, but don't get mad because important conversation has started because it is a celebrity in the news.  

Did you know that our veterans commit suicide an average 23 times a day?  Did you know that suicide is one of the leading causes (top 10) of death in the United States?  Did you know the numbers continue to rise?  Every 13 minutes someone dies from suicide. EVERY 13 MINUTES!   The answer to most of those questions is a resounding NO.  Most people don’t hear those numbers, they don’t know those stats, and they don’t recognize the faces of those lost.  It isn't personal.  It just isn't heard or talked about.  So don’t be mad that the world is recognizing the pain of suicide because of a celebrity like Robin Williams.  Be grateful, that even in his death, there has been another gift bestowed on us by him………..that of opening a dialogue for the world about mental health and substance abuse.  Use the heartache, the sadness, and even the anger to make this a part of conversation and education.  It is the ONLY thing that will change these horrible statistics.  

Let me further add, that unless you know the whole story, don’t judge the person who is having difficulty or is emotional about the death of a celebrity.  Robin was a gifted actor, a brilliant comic, and a compassionate man.  He was someone I admired and respected, maybe more for the things that he did outside of the spotlight than on the screens of our televisions and theaters.  He always put others first.  Even during his own battles, he spent his time caring for other people and attempting to make them laugh.  Yes, I am one of those people who was touched by his death profoundly.  I cried a lot of tears last night.  I spent the better part of the night upset.  You see, I connected in the moment that I heard the news.   My heart ached for the pain that led him to such a decision.  Suicide has touched my life on too many occasions.  I've lost quite a few people that were part of my life; people that I loved dearly.  I don't know mean people that I admired from afar or someone I knew through someone who knew someone.  I mean people that were a very prominent part of my life, including several young men that were like sons to me.  People with the same qualities that Mr. Williams possessed:  compassion, a true desire to make other people happy, quick wit and great humor, and a smile masking their pain.  Robin Williams was a man……a human being.  That alone is reason enough to be affected, but I also respected and admired him immensely.   At the time of his death, he was also the representation of those that I have lost to suicide.   The hurt returns and the heart aches again.   You are reconnected to a darkness that is difficult to understand and to explain, but one that endures long after the death of the person you loved.   There are also countless others that might have connected because they too endure the agony of depression and substance abuse.  The day-in and day-out battle that never seems to end.  The weight that won't ever let up.  Maybe in Robin Williams they saw a representation of themselves and the hardships they are enduring with the beast that comes with mental illness.   They are forced to face the demons that haunt their lives.   The pain people are feeling, the outpouring of love, may not be about the "celebrity" at all.  It may be about a human being that they have connected with on some level because they identify with them.  

I have learned that the only way to cope with a death of this manner is to focus on the happy memories, be cognizant of your own feelings, and to TALK ABOUT IT.  It doesn't go away.  Robin Williams was loved by MILLIONS of people….and yet, he could not be saved from this horrible disease.  Think about that!   Keeping silent about it won't cure mental illness and substance abuse or rid the world of suicide.   Education and conversation are the only things that might actually change that.   So again, I ask you, don't be angry that people are talking about Robin Williams.  Embrace the opportunities.   Maybe we can save the people you think are being ignored by embracing the outpouring of love and dialogue we are seeing. 

My heart aches for Robin Williams.  My heart aches for his family. I will forever be grateful for the great joy that Robin Williams brought to my life and the lives of many in the world.  I will also be humbled by his ongoing battle with depression and substance abuse. I will remember him for the countless contributions he made in this world.  I will celebrate the life that he lived, I will forever enjoy his vast body of work, and I hope that I will continue to learn from the human frailties that he possessed as well.  Perhaps we can honor his legacy by enjoying life, spreading joy, laughing often, and by extending the conversation on mental illness.  

God speed, Robin…….and THANK YOU for enriching my life!